field trip!!

went on the art field trip today. apart from my feet killing me in my new converses, it was nice. our group consisted of me, sofi, dmitri and victoria. of course, we did not find all the statues out there but that's ok, most people didn't find them either. we were all just a bunch of wondering idiots in downtown looking for statues. but in the end it turned out pretty good, we took some photos, did a sketch and even had frappucionos(mmm...) after me and sofi went shopping for her prom shoes. we went to three aldo stores. they have so many of them, almost on every block. then natalie called and came over only to see us for about 20 min. but at least i gave her the present.



now i am waiting for saturday. me and sasha are invited finally get to drink with some normal people, instead of those russian idiots we once knew.

@музыка: дельфин-весна

@настроение: предвкушение

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i almost forgot. i saw sean today.

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good day, sunshine

well, to re-cap ONCE AGAIN(stupid diary)



me and my mom went shopping today, spent pretty much the whole day downtown. i must have went to about 50 stores today not really finding anything great. all the dresses at eatons are so same, boring and too formal. i like mine because it's simple but still elegant. only i fell like someone else will show up in it. maybe i should have gotten it at some store on queen, then it would be unlikely someone would have it. anyway, i also got yellow converses. i wanted them for so long, and now i actually have them i also got two stripy shirts-pink and yellow, both from zara. i wanted something from there too. so today has been a good day, costing my mom $200, but it's ok because the dress was pretty cheap. and tomorrow we shall go for more shopping with sofi if we can.

oh i almost forgot about the big news of the weekends for me-i got payed! so im putting off money for montreal. i really think we can do this now

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here are your long awaited avatars. sorry i made you wait.











this is a special avatar because it was made while i was stoned so the red blobs looked really trippy to me.

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to nataly:



i'm sorry i didn't put up the avatars yesterday but my internet didn't work. someone told them that we are moving so they turned it off. and my dad said that one of friends did it. they tend to blame my firends for everything that goes wrong in the house. heh, it's like you are scape goats.



anyway, i will post the avatars later on today because i don't have time right now.

@музыка: дельфин-любовь

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отрешенность

сижу и слушаю дельфина. стараюсь оссобенно не погружаться в музыку, а то тогда меня не достаните весь день.



сегодня середина недели. до выходных скоро. и в первые за последний месяц, они ничего не предвещают. только работу и может платье, если я его найду конечно же.

все так предсказуемо. плохо? жизнь проходит мимо. может ей на перерез пойти. поменять свои планы, убеждения, принципы. уйти в себя(?). вряд ли только во мне можно что-нибудь дельное найти. найдите мне ответы на вопросы, которые я не задавала. скажите "да", когда ответ должен быть "нет". найдите меня, ведь меня уже давно на этом месте нету.

@музыка: дельфин-нежность

@настроение: углубление

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я хочу ощущений.

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frustration

GRRR..don't you hate waiting for the stupid offers from universities to come? or at least rejections, at least give me some type of an answer because i am getting to a point where i cannot take it anymore. it's may 1! and i am one of the only people who did not get in anywhere yet. and i am not a patient person, this is already killing me.

btw, they put in the midterm marks.



i kinda feel like that when i look at that OUAC screen

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искры

in the this frantic homework i am trying to find peace and tranquility here. maybe for a few minutes while i am typing it will work, but not for long.

yesterday was really great. i love fires and shishkabob. it reminds me of how it was back there. костер и шашлыки. we should do that more often. my jaket smelled of fire today but i think now it's gone because i have been outside. too bad, i'd liked to have kept that smell for longer.



today i have spent doing homework, mostly. talking to people on msn is always distracting. and messing around with zek's mind is fun but a waste of time. and that russian get together sounds like fun now. they danced in the middle of the park at night and sang near the fire.

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хочу курить...

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денег нет. амбицей тоже. все висит где-то. кто за нас принимает решения? ведь мы ничего не значим для кого-то выше. значит наша судьба не в наших руках.

деньги правят миром(?)

или все же любовь?

но это не любовь...(с)

значение в словах существует? или все пустые обещания, которые так легко оборвать. не люблю зависеть от других, но выхода нету. выберайте мою жизнь за меня. так куда легче. я просто пойду на поводу, у меня это хорошо получается. почему бы не продолжить?

@музыка: цой-солнечные дни

@настроение: под контролем других

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this is what i do instead of english

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bodybuilder

made me think of sofi....not that she looks like that.

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пропасть

у всех или жизнь бьёт ключем или от нечего делать люди сами себя и других развлекают как только могут.

у меня же все идёт по кругу, по замкнутому кругу. как из него вырваться? ведь это правда, все уже известно. все преднозначено для тебя давным давно и только сейчас ты узнаешь об этом. конечно же, всему есть конец. я держусь этого взгляда. только вот конца нужно дождаться, а не все это могут. многие уходят, им просто надоедает ждать. а ведь вся жизнь это всего лишь ожидание смерти.



PS i saw michelle bondi today. that was a very weird coincidence. she was waiting in my lobby for tony. i still do not understand why are they together, and for so long too already. but i guess everybody's different and sees something others don't see. she's doing some type on alternative school seeing as she dropped out of ours. i don't know why, but this meeting was very suprising to me. it's not like i was ever friends with michelle and i never even talked to tony. still, it's weird to see people you know who you have not seen for a very long time.

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1.2.3.4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

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for sofi

sunday morning

rain rain rain

misty air hanging outside my window

the beach

i'm not here

smoke a joint and look at the sky

wonder about the world

music

thick smoke

stand against the wind out of principle

a boy at my door

drips of water hold on to the rail

i'm staying home

@музыка: the OC mix

@настроение: a bit dreamy

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RAVE

i have no work today.



yesterday was great. i still wanted to dance when we left though. but there was no point of staying, since the e didn't work. and it was raining and i couldnt go home right away. i'm glad everyone liked it. except maybe maria, she didn't seem that much into it. holy joes was pretty good. aparently more people came after we left. and there were a lot of people there so that was good. heh, sofi, i think it's your lucky place. you always find someone there.

it felt so nice to finally dance. i could so do this every weekend. and people are so nice there, that girl kept giving us water whenever we came to the washroom. all i can say is that i love raves! we gotta go to another one.



i would put up one of our pictures but the camera is at olga's

@музыка: dj tiesto-just be

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FRANZ FERDINAND

racap of the last couple of days:

sunday: the vatican

me and dmitri come there, nobody is there and i mean nobody. for half an hour its only the two of us. then denis comes. people start coming by 11, rachel calls and she and liz(dmitri's ex) show up. they are all hyper and laugh non-stop. we go in, a bit later some preppy girls come by, all on e. of course, dmitri and denis make their move on the girls. and soon enough i see dmitri making out with a girl, then denis with another. hear a lot of drama between rachel, denis, liz and dmitri. such drama queens. well anyway, we(me, rachel and liz) barely drag dmitri and denis away but not before they get their numbers and emails. by that time its already after 1. i make it home by 2 and on the way home meet sasha(suprise suprise).

monday: downtown

i sit at home, thinking im going with sasha downtown but turns out she's too lazy or whatever. so i call natalie for like an hour until she calls back. i pretty much run downtown, meet them, buy olga the gift and then meet marija. also it turns out im sick so i have to walk around with a stuffed nose, which i stil have by the way. after everyone has met, we go to queen to go buy the rave tickets(yay!). on the way back it turns out we're just in time to see franz ferdinand on much. that was great i only wish i had a paper for them to sign. oh well. this was already good enough. after i come home, i pretty much rush out back again to go drinking with sasha. ha-ha he got more drunk than me. if you know sasha, that says something.



and now we wait for friday. how am i going to sneak all of them in?

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Heil Hitler

i just watched Downfall at sasha's. that is the most powerful movie i have ever seen. and it is so realistic. you can feel what the people in the movie are feeling. the end is so devastating with all the suicides, it's almost like it is mass suicide of all the high power SS officers and Hitler himself. the representation of the feeling of the end of the war is conveyed so good. it's just sad that Hitler lived in his fantasy world where he thought he could still win. if it was different, then maybe the end would be different. but then again, he could not lose. the aryan race had to prevail....